Gelsenkirchen: Einschulung 1. Klasse
Die Lehrerin will sich gleich am 1. Schultag beliebt machen und sagt voller Stolz, dass sie Schalke-Fan ist und fragt die Klasse, wer sonst noch Schalke-Fan ist. Alle Hände gehen nach oben, nur ein kleines Mädchen meldet sich nicht.

Die Lehrerin fragt: “Warum meldest du dich denn nicht?”
“Weil ich kein Schalke-Fan bin!”
“Ja sowas. Zu welchem Verein hältst du denn dann?”
“Ich bin FC Bayern-Fan und stolz darauf!”
“FC Bayern???, ja um Himmels willen, warum denn ausgerechnet der FC Bayern?”
“Weil mein Vater aus München kommt, bei der Allianz arbeitet und als Jugendlicher bei den Bayern Amateuren gespielt hat und meine Mutter auch aus München kommt und Wies’n-Bedienung bei Paulaner ist. Beide sind natürlich FCB-Fans, also bin ich es auch!”
“Aber mein Kind, du musst doch deinen Eltern nicht alles nachmachen!!! Stell dir doch nur mal vor, deine Mutter wäre eine Prostituierte und dein Vater ein alkoholabhängiger Arbeitsloser, was wäre denn dann??!”
“Ja gut, dann wäre ich wohl auch Schalke-Fan …”

(via bb / mex / bf)

Jon Stewart macht nicht nur hervorragende Fernsehsendungen, sondern schreibt auch schöne Bücher. Im letzten Jahr “America” und schon 1999 “Naked Pictures of Famous People“. Ein Auszug:

ADOLF HITLER: THE LARRY KING INTERVIEW

ONE OF THE beautiful aspects of our culture is the capacity we have to forgive, especially those in the public eye. There is little a tearful mea culpa on “60 Minutes” or a tell-all confession in the pages of People magazine won’t rectify. This grand compassion was put to the ultimate challenge when in the fall of 1999 an astonished world watched as a historical figure long thought to have died in World War II resurfaced. This disgraced dictator, swayed by a beautifully arranged fruit basket and handwritten note, went on CNN’s “Larry King Live.” The Hitler interview, as it became known, aired on October 23, 1999, at 10:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. That night King’s ratings tripled (…)
The following is an uncensored transcript of that historic interview.

KING: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we bring you perhaps the most controversial show in the history of “Larry King Live.” He began his career as president of the fledgling National Socialist party, the Nazi party, in Germany. After a failed coup, some prison time and a bestselling book, he re-established himself in the German hierarchy, first as chancellor… then as Fuhrer. The next ten years under his watch saw Germany’s return to power, shame at the Munich Olympics, a failed marriage and finally, one helluva World War complete with what was thought to be a cowardly demise by his own hand. Tonight, risen from the proverbial dead, we welcome Adolf Hitler.

HITLER: (biting into a bagel) First of all, Larry, I don’t know what I was so afraid of. These are delicious!!!

KING: Well, Chancellor Hitler, I have–

HITLER: Please call me Adolf.

KING: Adolf. First of all, I have to say… quite frankly, we were very reluctant to have you on.

HITLER: I can’t say I blame you for that. I mean, you hear the name Hitler…

KING: Well, in the end we decided this show is about newsmakers. That’s been my mottothrough forty years of broadcasting and critics be damned, I’m not about to stop now.
HITLER: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
KING: What do you say to all the people out there, the people who view you as a demon, the perpetrator of the most vicious–

HITLER: Guilty as charged, Larry. Look, I was a bad guy. No question. I hate that Hitler. The yelling, the finger pointing, I don’t know… I was a very angry guy.

KING: And this … new Hitler?

HITLER: I get up at seven, have half a melon, do the Jumble in the morning paper and then let the day take me where it will. Some days I’ll fish, maybe hit the mall for an Orange Julius. The other day I spent seven hours in the park watching ants cart off part of a sandwich. Me!! The inventor of the Blitzkrieg… When you stop having to control everything, it’s very freeing.

KING: Why did you do it?

HITLER: Whooo boy. The $64,000 question. I don’t know… I wasn’t a happy kid. I mean, I’m not trying to make excuses, but you go through high school with one testicle and the nickname Shitler… I’m sorry, they can bleep that, right?

KING: It’s fine.

HITLER: After a while you get sick of it. One day you just snap. It started out as the typical “Someday you guys will be sorry,” and then…I don’t know. It just got away from me.

(Quelle: HarperCollins)

(Studentenwohnheim – die erste Wohnung Unterkunft)

Schlechte Noten bekommen Deutschlands TV-Macher von Fernseh-Uhahagestein Frank Elstner…
…. und morgen beklagt sich Alexander Klaws über beschissene Musik… und übermorgen fordert Uwe Barschel (posthum) mehr Ehrlichkeit in der Politik…

Ever want a Rolex? Try a replica first!